wtf?! vol. X...

ok...i'm really not sure how to categorize this one. i won't say too much so that people who watch it can make up their own minds. just check out the video. let me know what you think. leave a comment. is it real? is he serious? i have no idea but i'm keeping my thoughts to myself for now. i want to let the video speak for itself at this point.

peace.

wtf?! vol. IX

i know it's been a week and a half or so since i hit this up...it's been crazy...busy two weeks. but this i couldn't pass up or let slide without asking wtf?! is wrong with these people?

why? who told them this shit was hot? who told them it was ok to do this let alone make a video for it? some people get mad when i say that sometimes my people embarrass me...so to those people i ask...how does this video make YOU feel?

exactly.

productdose...

it's been a while since i visited one of my favorite sites online so i thought a little productdose.com would be good for today. it's been a minute and a few of the things below were too good not to share. enjoy.

1. Nose Shower Gel Dispenser |via CribCandy|

so it goes up in your shower on the wall. looks like a giant nose (they come in brown and tan too...you've got to love that) and when you push the nostrils it dispenses whatever you put in it. shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, etc.

now if you have this you HAVE to get green shower gel at least once. it just wouldn't be right if you didn't. or maybe one of those shower gels that have little beads in them so that it looks chunky green. might as well go all out if you're going to go there at all.

this thing would be worth a few laughs when someone stayed with you and i can't help but think it would put a smile on your face when you woke up each morning. start the day with a little laugh to yourself about this ridiculous shower gel dispenser you have in your shower.

2. Trampoline Coffee Table |via ThisNext|

ok...this one just sounds like trouble. i'm not really sure how big this thing is or why in god's name you would want the center of your coffee table to be a trampoline but then again i can't really think of a reason why not.

judging by the size of the candle on the edge of the table this thing isn't big enough for more than one average sized person to jump on and even then i'm not sure it's a good idea. but hey...why not right? if having absolutely ridiculous things in your house is your style then so far you're two for two with this and the item above.

3. Chrono-Shredder Calendar |via Yanko|

this one i would love to actually have at work. it's a calendar that shreds the previous date when it's time for the new one.

it literally shows you days past and time wasted once it shreds the day altogether. not sure if it does it automatically or if you have to push a button but who cares? the idea is just different and seems like something that would be cool to have on the wall in general.

now all i need is a clock where the numbers fall off as time goes by and my collection will be complete! this thing is actually pretty big. if you click the link to the vendor that makes it above you'll see a person standing next to it to get an idea of just how big this thing is. the paper in the calendar is regular sized notebook/printer paper as a reference for size.

4. Scented Laptops |via Trendhunter|

not sure why or who would be interested in this one but hey...you never know right? right. anyway. this is a line of scented colorful laptops. i'm sure the colors correlate with the scent of each laptop.

although i'm just guessing...i can be the black one smells the worse. they probably made it smell like black licorice or some bullshit like that. couldn't possibly be blackberry or something.

it actually comes in 4 difference scents to choose from regardless of the graphic color or design you choose. not sure how they decided 4 scents people would want their laptop to smell like though.

wtf?! vol. VIII...

this is wrong. just plain fucking wrong. why? why? gotdammit WHY?! how do you do someone's mother like this? lord. and of all the times too? jesus.

ok...let me just get this over with. so...here's a picture of Michael Phelps (greatest olympic swimmer ever Michael Phelps) with his mother. proud mother (as she should be).


now...here's a picture of his mother that hit the internet this week.


can you say a gotdamn shame? why would someone do his momma like this? it's supposedly from an ex who took the picture "years ago." first...i won't judge her old ass for being laid out like that cause i'm sure it was fueled by a few sips and some emotional feelings for whoever took the picture. but damn...if you take pictures like this with your old ass make sure that person STAYS your man OR get those pictures back when it doesn't work out. cause this is just a travesty. a hot ass mess of a situation. not 100% it's her but either way that's just wrong. ladies...watch who you let have these pictures of you. or make sure there's an understanding beforehand. cause some dudes can be bitchmade and bitter and pull little get-back shit like a 12 year old girl.

i understand moms could still be a freak and might be getting the "D" on the regular from somewhere but letting this shit leak out is just completely uncalled for.

thank god i ate lunch already or my day would be fucked up at this point too. i gotta go pray. cause all this is making me feel like i need Jesus in MY life.

peace.

**************************************************

UPDATE: i thought i should add a little note before anyone else hits me up concerned about the pictures above.

YES i know that's not his mother. the eyes and nose are not the same at all. the point was it's a funny picture and it shows how ignorant mediatakeout is with some of the shit they just post and think about later. they will LITERALLY post ANYTHING that ANYONE sends in. trust me on this one. if anyone missed the irony and sarcasm in this post then i apologize that you couldn't tell the difference.

peace.

wtf?! vol. VII

what in the HELL is wrong with K-Ci & Jo Jo? man...does anyone remember when Jodeci was the shit? i mean even DruHill was just a Jodeci carbon copy. but i swear...drugs...drinking and just issues in general ruined Jodeci. K-Ci & JoJo actually held it down the longest after Devonte was cracked out on that shit.

but now...man...it's all bad. just watch the video below. i won't say too much and cause the video pretty much speaks for itself. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. but just watch and if you can't see what i mean then trust me you will know by the half way mark that these cats are on that shit. off that "ooh-wee!" i guess cocaine really is a helluva drug.

peace.

first official Booty Sweat ad...

a little over a month ago i posted about a new energy drink called Booty Sweat coming out. a few people hit me up saying it was fake and couldn't possibly be real. it's an energy drink that is actually from the upcoming movie Tropic Thunder...however...they're actually planning on marketing and selling the drink while the movie is in theatres. i actually saw it at 7-11 near my house. i'll get you guys a picture. as far as taste i don't know if i can help you...i just can't see myself putting something called Booty Sweat up to my lips. unless it was like Kim Kardashian or Angel Lola Luv booty sweat. in that case i'd still get it straight from the source. so i guess depending on whose ass it is a little ass sweat never hurt anyone.

anyway...they've officially launched their first commercial for Booty Sweat. check it out.

Check out this video: Welcome Message from Alpa Chino

cooter colors

the above is not what you think it is. i was checking out a friend's blog and came across something that looked interesting. honestly the color of the packages in the picture stopped me and made look long enough to figure out what it was.

i almost ignored it after a quick glance because it looks like hair dye or some beauty product that as a straight man with no hair (shave my head) i could give a shit about.

but after reading the title of the post and the first few lines i realized it was actually hair dye (like i thought) for the "hair down there" (NOT like i thought). that's right...pubic hair dye. conveniently located by the condoms, lube and massage oils (which is basically scented lube).

definitely some new shit i was not aware of but it's interesting to say the least. i mean...i'm not big on hairy women whose crotches look like Ben Wallace or a happy trail that leads to a wilderbeast patch...i prefer trimmed nicely...maybe a creative shape/design even or shaved but i must admit...neon bright pink hair would definitely make me pause to take a second look.

that's probably the funnest idea of these and i'm into creative things to liven up sex. the other regular colors i'm thinking are for women who dye their hair and want to have the carpet match the curtains or older women who are going gray in more places than one and want the cooter to look young and vibrant? who knows...either way i figured some of you might find this interesting. if you've been with your man for a while or if you're dating and just want to put an extra touch on it then trust me...a man pulling off the boyshorts and finding a bright pink patch (i wonder if it glows in the dark? THAT would be off the hook!) will definitely add something new and is almost sure to get a response from whoever comes across your newly colored cooter.

sidenote: we need a new word for a woman's genitalia cause all the current ones are horrible: cooter, pussy, monkey, don't don't, vajayjay, twat etc. ladies...get together with each other and have a round table and let us know what you come up with. if you need any assistance let us know.

peace.

wtf?! vol. VI

there's really not a lot to say about this bullshit. but it helps support my belief that people will continue to do dumb shit to get famous via youtube. from nonsense like B Scott and Chris Crocker to shit like this...at times i can't fuck with youtube. there's just too much shit and i don't want to be the 1 millionth hit on some of that nonsense.

but then they post Suge Knight getting knocked out or Keyshia Cole's fucked up family and i can't resist.

the most disturbing part of this next video is i think he was dead ass serious and thinks this shit is hot. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. either way i want to know why this person's family didn't whoop their ass and stop this nonsense while they had a chance. such a god damn shame.

is there a such thing as TOO MUCH ass?

well...before today i would have said...no. there is no such thing as too much ass or too big of an ass.

as a lover of large round asses and somewhat of an expert...i honestly didn't think i'd ever see a large ass i didn't like (unless of course it was sloppy or the girl looked like she smelled like room temperature tuna salad and toejam).

but today i stand corrected. today i have proof that yes...there is a such thing as too much ass. as a side note...may i say that the brotha with the camera in the first picture needs to go ahead and come out the closet and admit he's an extreme chubby chaser. and i THINK that's an ass cheek in the second picture. i'm not 100% certain it's not thigh meat but i'm pretty sure that's mostly ass meat. i think.

just stop being lazy and wash your ass...

ok...first...here's the link for an article on a new trend that started in japan (but didn't take long for americans to turn it into the newest fad like they do so many other things).

basically they're carp fish (they're even calling them doctor fish...give me a fucking break) that work like most scavengers and shit eaters like crabs and leeches do. the same way some sea animals feed on whales...these little fish feed on crusty feet.

they swim around eating the dead skin off your feet and from in between your crusty nasty stankin ass toes. now...some say this is just using nature to our advantage...which would make sense if this were 10,000BC and we were the Flinstones. but in an age where vacuum cleaners push themselves, showers spray and clean themselves and there's a pill to help you do everything from losing your gut to fixing that cocked eye you have and to even give you a hard dick for 36 hours do we really need anything else to make us even more lazy?

i think if you need this then there's something wrong. or if this is what's up then fuck it...let's go all the way. lets find a snail that slides and slimes around and eats the germs that cause bad breath and we can call it listersnail. then lets find a spider that crawls up your ass and cleans your colon by balling up all your waste in a web that you shit out in one sticky webby ball of spider shit.

people...this should not be a trend. it's not hot. it's not creative. it's fucking nasty. because if i see a girl in there and all the fish are over in her area of the tank then i know that bitch is nasty and doesn't wash her feet let alone her stankin ass.

people...wash your feet. wash your ass and stop waiting for them to find an animal to come eat the crust off your stanking non-bathing ass. ya nasty sons a bitches.

new cell phones on the market!!!

is it just me...or have phone companies gotten out of control with some of the names they're coming up with for cell phones nowadays? it's like they're trying to make their phone the hottest on the market by giving it a crazy name when most cell phones basically do the same thing with a few exceptions. i mean...try finding a cell phone that doesn't have a camera, mp3 music, bluetooth, aim and a calendar/planner. after that you have a few flip phones, a couple with touch screens etc but other than that they all do the same shit. but they come up with the craziest names to make their phone seem taboo or like it's the hottest shit you need to spend $500 on just to be the first to have it.

for example...you have the samsung touch: pretty self explanatory. touch screen. woo-hoo! nothing else really unique or special but the name "touch" sounds sexy. at least it makes sense on this phone.

then you have the LG Rumor. this phone supposedly has bigger buttons and the easily accessible keyboard that makes it the fastest easiest phone to text (usually some bullshit) to everyone you know. but the name rumor is basically admitting most of the people with the phone will be texting some bullshit to people. so if you're the type that can't wait to tell everyone shit that most people with jobs and bills and shit could care less about this phone is for you.

finally there's the LG Dare. touchscreen. supposedly the "iPhone killer" because it has all the features that has without the need to pay $50 to download text software, email software, phonebook software and all the other shit the iPhone needs after you buy it. but...dare? it's a cell phone. other than daring someone to pay the bill what's there to dare about it? shit i dare you to call your baby momma and tell her that her cousin gives better head than her? exactly.

anyway...with all this said i think if they're going to have all these crazy edgy names then they should give the phones names and features that are appropriate and that customers can relate to in real life instead of all this other nonsense they're doing. so with that said i'll be starting my own cell phone company. you can purchase one of my phones and use any service with it since a lot of you don't pay your bills on time any damn way. here are the first phone models available this christmas.

1. the "LG Caught Up"

like dating someone then fucking their best friend, or relative or your friend's girl/man and not being slick about the dirt you do at all? then this is the phone for you. this phone is for the sneaky and the trifling who THINK they're slick but are about as slick as sandpaper. for the guys who think they're players when they're too dumb to know how to be slick or if you're a woman that is promiscuous but too stupid to spell it then this is the phone for you. if you think programming your other girl's number under code names is a smart idea this is the phone for you. for the person who gets caught cheating or being trifling and gets mad at the person that caught them instead of their damn selves for being sloppy. this is the phone for you.

2. the "Samsung He Said He Wouldn't Show Anyone" camera phone

are you the type of dumb bitch that lets a dude film you from behind or giving him head on the 2nd date? then get shocked when he posts it on youtube or sends it to everyone you know because you stopped talking to him or stood him up or embarrassed him at the club. this is the phone for you. the girl who lets every guy she sleeps with take pictures of it...film it or sends him naked pictures then later tells him to go fuck himself. the woman who hasn't realized the best way to keep someone from finding out you're a hoe is to not let anyone tape you being a hoe...this is the perfect phone for you.

3. the "Motorola Bitch Who You Textin"

this phone is a perfect gift from the overly insecure and controlling man for his unfortunate female mate. it slides open to show a full keyboard that plays a voice saying "i'm fucking someone else and his dick is bigger than yours" every time you hit a letter key..."i sucked up the nigga that was at the light with bigger rims than yours" when you hit a numeric key and finally "nigga you ain't shit and that's why i hate you" when you hit the space bar. it also has an easy to break password so nosy overprotective paranoid controlling boyfriends and baby daddies can easily break your password and snoop through your phone.

(the Motorola Bitch Who You Textin is also available in blue, silver or black as the "Motorola Nigga I Know You Cheatin" for those guys out there that have nosy, insecure girlfriends and baby momma's that are damaged, paranoid and have trust issues they won't let go of and continue to make you and anyone else they date pay for...over and over again)

4. the "Nokia This Muthafucka's Broke"

this is for the person who doesn't pay their bill on time and always ends up calling you two weeks later asking if you called them cause they "lost" their phone or their phone "was broken so they had to turn it off until they got the new one in the mail." it's just a regular flip phone but has cool new voicemail features. after your broke ass doesn't pay your phone bill if anyone calls you they will get an automated message saying "this broke muthafucka didn't pay their bill this month...again...so at this time you cannot leave this broke muthafucka a message. if you would like to leave a message or a numeric message please give this broke muthafucka $40 to put some more minutes on this raggedy muthafuckin phone. thank you."

that's it for this holiday season. more phone models will be revealed as they arrive in stores. hopefully this helps with your holiday shopping this year.

peace.

big girls with benefits...

i have two friends that i think are chubby chasers. i don't think either of them have made a conscious decision to only go after big girls but whether they know it or not they're chubby chasers. (kind of like that guy in high school everyone knew was gay EXCEPT them and then they come out and get mad when no one is shocked or surprised...kind of like that).

the women they date are typically on the healthy/hefty side (i know hefty is so NOT a sexy word but it fits...sorry) and once you're in your 20's that's not a trend or a phase...you like em big. now...i'm not talking thick like

Toccara: as long as she'd shut up for 5 minutes she could definitely get it. for the record...she is the epitome of thick. she's not a big girl. all her curves and weight are in the right place...it's just that she has a voice made to break glass windows and shatter eardrums.

Trina: true...she does look like E.T. but...if anyone out there is still confused...women...NO ONE LIKES TRINA BECAUSE OF HER MUSIC OR HER FACE...no one. trust me.

or Angel Lola Luv: no real words other than jesus christ and no...her ass is not too big.

no...i'm not talking thick like the girls above...i'm talking big girls. (sidenote: it's not about weight...it's all in how you wear it). we're talking Star Jones before the surgery...like comedian Mo'Nique from the Parkers big. big girl doesn't necessarily mean obese or sloppy. some big girls dress hot. and most big girls ALWAYS have their hair and nails done.

anyway...i'm getting off track...back to the point. i have a few friends who are chubby chasers and an uncle who told me cute/pretty girls come with headaches and have too much attitude and most can't cook or do shit but sit there and look cute (which is true about a lot of but not all pretty women) and that i should get a "fluffy girl" because "fluffy girls need love too."

so that made me think...there are some advantages to dating a big girl. that's a little too much lovin for me but i thought i'd lay out a few benefits i could think of in reason for dating a big woman.

1. warm in the winter time

for those that live in southern cali like me this may not be a concern. but for brothas living in denver, chicago or new york in the winter time cuddling up to a skinny honey when it's cold out isn't much help. imagine if you could wrap up in a big girl's love. shit...throw one of those thigh-looking arms over you and you're good. no frostbite tonight!

2. everything feels like a titty

ok...so imagine you're in bed and it's dark. you're kind of in the mood and want to feel on a little something. with any regular girl you gotta take into account what she's wearing. do i have to unfasten a bra? sneak under a shirt? slide the draws off? etc. with a big girl it doesn't matter what direction you go or what you grab. everything feels breasts or an ass cheek. shit...you could get escited rubbin on her big ass smooth ass elbow...just pretend she has really flat nipples.

3. you KNOW she can cook

well...at least there's a good chance. when you have that much experience with food chances are you learned SOMETHING a long the way. how to crack an egg...season a turkey leg...shit she at least has to know how to make a sandwich to be that big. it's not a sure thing that all big girls can cook...but i bet you even Oprah's rich ass can cook better than Nicole Richie.

4. great personality

what do girls ALWAYS say about their big girl friends when they're trying to hook someone up with them or convince someone to go out with them on a double date? "she's cool as hell and she's got a great personality." right? right. see...when you look like Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls you can have an attitude and get away with it. when you look like that big girl from Xscape (remember her?) you're not really cute enough to have all that attitude and smart ass comments or else you'll end up getting left even by your friends. nothing worse than an ugly or big girl with an attitude. and they know that cause when you're not much to look at you have to have some kind of upside to you. which goes back to big girls always having their hair and nails done. they have to put in a little extra effort.

5. all big girls give a lot of head...so they must be good at it

now this is more a guess but i'm saying...practice has to add up to skill sooner or later right? as far as the "a lot" part...think back to high school. remember that big girl that was a hoe? everyone made fun of her but everyone knew she got caught giving head in several different places. in the library, at an assembly, behind the bungalo's etc. i don't know why but it seems like big girls are always known for giving head to half the school. some pretty girls act like a guy should feel honored to get head from them. wtf? any woman who says she doesn't do that in 2008 is either a fucking liar or plans on being lonely her WHOLE life. trust me women (and men)...you wanna keep your mate happy...give some head. no one has ever been upset while getting head unless it was horrible.

that's just a few things i could think of. but...in looking at that list...i still don't think the swole honeys are for me...but i can see why some men might prefer them i guess. to each his own. whatever floats your boat right? or whatever almost sinks it in this case.

peace.

wal-mart greeter

An ugly woman in house shoes and clothes that look like she just got out of bed walks into wal-mart with her two kids following her. she's cursing at them and yelling the whole way into the store and they pay her no attention playing and laughing and continuing to act up.

the wal-mart greeter says "hello and welcome to wal-mart ma'am. nice kids you have there-are they twins?"

the ugly woman stops mid walk and looks the greeter up and down and says "what? twins? are you retarded? my son is 9 years old and my daughter is 5! almost half his age. you too stupid to see that? that why you workin at wal-mart?"

the wal-mart greeter says "well no ma'am. i just couldn't believe someone actually fucked you twice. have a nice day."

Robert Child Molester Kelly...

i know i'm a little late but honestly i didn't want to talk about it because he disgusts me and i kind of knew he'd get off. so my issue wasn't that he got off(although i was surprised with the lame ass reason they let him off which was even worse of an excuse than OJ...and yes...OJ also did it and should also be in jail...i don't give a fuck what ethnicity they are) but more at how happy some people were and how man women continue to support him. to anyone that thinks i'm just hating...you're beyond my help and too blind to see what's going on and thing child molesters and pedophiles are just misunderstood huh? well...i won't try to change your mind. but to those with some kind of common sense...

put simply...R. Kelly should be in prison

let's go ahead and get the bullshit out the way. R Kelly is a molester (not a rapist cause the little girls in the video were fast and pretty much already hoes...which is not unheard of since we all know hoes we went to school with when we were 15) a pervert and a pedophile.

the fucked up ironic part is that the one's supporting him (aside from other pedophile molester ass men) are women. most dudes stopped fucking with R Kelly like that a while ago (and any dude still using his music to game girl up or set the mood are WAY out of touch and are probably fishing for rats anyway). his music has turned into audio coonery about braids and peach cobbler but women still love and support this nigga. this muthafucka even named himself the Pied Piper and started running around with a cloth mask on with his grown ass!! now...many of you may know the children's tale about a Pied Piper. but some may not know that the children's story was made up because there was a person they called the Pied Piper who used to lure children with toys and music and kidnap them to rape them and kill them. now...you think it's a coincidence this child molester ass Robert chose that as a nick name?

anyone with a little sister or a daughter should not only not support the decision (i don't give a fuck what anyone says...moles can be removed...he fucked and pissed on those little girls) of him not going to jail they should stop going to his shows and let him know that shit is not ok. he's no different than the 32 year old niggas that hang out around high schools trying to game up some little 15 year old (who is dumb and naive as hell and thinks an older man actually means something when grown man who fucks with 15 year olds ain't about shit either) because a grown ass woman is too smart to fall for their lame ass games.

however...pedophilia in the black community is nothing new. it has been widely done and widely ignored because there are so many older black men who try to approach and sleep with little teenage high school and jr high school girls. people have not only done it and let it slide...many artists have even talked about it proudly with no shame in their songs. don't believe me? check these quotables out:

DeVoe in Do Me, Baby by Bel Biv DeVoe - "backstage ,underage, adolescence, how ya doin? fine she replied, high side i like to do the wild thing"

Snoop Dogg in Only In California by Mack 10 - "i'm hangin at the high school gettin at them young bitches."

LL Cool J in Big Ol Butt - "she's only 16...but yo she's a freak."

not to mention every woman knows a nasty older man that tried to get at them when they were little whether it be a nasty friend of the family, some random old man at the store or an overly friendly pastor or member of their church.

black women wonder why they don't get respect in today's society? try not supporting every single artist that degrades you like Plies and molestor ass singers like R Kelly (cause it's not the dudes buying those albums or going to their shows). either way...this fruitcake ass dude needs to be in prison.

in the news...

not a lot going on today. tired from a long (but good) 3 1/2 day weekend and my god daughter's first birthday part sunday. kind of drained. and i think one of those biological warfare ass little kids got me sick. but...still thought i'd share a few interesting things i read today.

enjoy. (you can click any of the titles to read the original articles).

1. Italian Vogue releases their "Black" issue

Italian Vogue (which is huge in the fashion world) released an all black-model issue to push the statement that "black is beautiful" which still hasn't caught on in a lot of circles (other than the african models with baby afros they use for runway shows). i don't read Vogue or follow fashion like that but i'm happy to see chocolate honeys get their shine.

2. Woman killed because she wanted out of arranged marriage

this is just crazy. i'll let you read the article and won't say too much other than some cultural traditions are just stupid to me. i know it's hard to change what you've been told all your life but education should help show us the errors of a lot of things we hold onto in the name of "tradition." the problem is a lot of people just do things because that's just "how i was raised" or "that's how it's done" etc.

3. Starbuck's closing cartoons

a collection of some comics about Starbuck's closing which pretty much express my thoughts on the subject. i don't drink coffee but even if i did having only 2 on my block instead of 3 is not going to kill anyone.

although...you know it's bad when they're closing. i wonder how much this has to do with Dunkin and McDonald's trying to step their latte game up.

4. Gay marriage back in the news

look...i don't think ugly or stupid people should be able to get married and make more ugly dumb kids together but the difference is you don't see me protesting their right to do it. i don't care who marries who gay straight ugly fat or otherwise.

now...before someone throws the bible argument in there...half the people that use that argument probably haven't read the bible for themselves and not everyone shares the beliefs you have (even though a lot of people mainly have them because they were raised with them but that's another issue). the quran muslims should not drink alcohol or eat pork but you don't see them protesting someone at TGIF taking patron shots in between bites of their pulled pork sandwhich...cause it's NONE OF THEIR DAMN BUSINESS.

i'm not gay or married but if someone wants to marry someone of the same sex i don't give a fuck. shit i don't care about straight marriages. other than my eventual marriage in the future i could care less who marries who. and the nerve of people to say it's sacred when we have all these "Who Wants to Marry A Bachelor" shows and Flavor Flav's old roach-lookin ass on tv fucking 22 year olds. man please. save that bullshit for someone who's dumb enough to buy it. people love getting worked up for issues that aren't important rather than focusing on why our kids aren't getting any education worth a shit and why so many minorities end up in prison or why our economy is going to hell. with all this going on you want worry about Chuck & Larry shackin up and tying the knot? who cares? if you don't believe in it then DON'T DO IT. but i wish people would stop pushing their beliefs on other people and stop wasting my time and tax money on this dumb shit and work on getting these crazy ass gas prices back under control.

and isn't "mind your own business" or "worry about yourself not everyone else" something people teach their kids? i swear...no wonder kids are so fucked up these days when the adults of the world are a bunch of hypocrites and liars.

5. Black athlete qualifies for Olympic swim team

that's kind of big right? don't know if we'll take this one over like we did basketball or football among others though. we might just have to hope for a Tiger Woods-like situation where there are still not A LOT of brothas but at least one that's whoopin people's asses on a regular basis.

that's it for now. just a few things i read that were kind of cool interesting stories.

peace.

booty sweat? for real?

on a lighter note...

the new movie Tropic Thunder is going to be releasing an energy drink as part of the promotion for the film. it's not necessarily a real product but i guess since they'll be selling it for a while when the movie is out it is.

yes...it's an energy drink called "Booty Sweat."

not quite sure if it will taste like ass sweat (or what ass sweat even tastes like) but i'm sure people will be buying this. someone you know will be drinking this thinking it's funny. shit...i'm tempted to get it just to see what it actually tastes like but my anti-coonery ways won't allow me to. there's just certain shit i can't do. walking around as a young black man with a drink called booty sweat is one of them. (my mexican and chinese sides won't really allow it either).

but nonetheless...if you ever wished they would put sweat from the crack of someone's ass in a bottle so you didn't have to actually deal with the sweaty ass smell this drink is for you. all i keep thinking about is when rapist-molester ass R. Kelly has his face ear-deep in that girls ass in one of the videos. i'm sure he'll be buying this by the case if they carry it at Costco or Sam's Club since he obviously loves tossed salad with ass sweat dressing.

now...this may sound completely out of line and disgusting but...depending on whose ass it was i might take a sample from the source. lol. i know i know. completely disgusting but i'm saying...i'm just saying...if it was Alicia Keys' ass then not only would i sample it but i would try to get a job bottling it myself FOR HER. there are a few others i'd take that job for but i think i've said enough already.

peace.

you need your ass whooped...

so i'm sure you're going to say i'm trippin today or on one but yes...this is another post about stupid people.

i believe some stupid people should have their ass whooped. period. may sound close minded but some people do. i know you're not supposed to whoop anyone ass but your own children but some grown ass stupid people need their ass whooped more than a child does.

now...we're not talking about mentally challenged people who genuinely have a mental disability. no...we're talking about the people who have no mental disability at all and are just dumb as shit and stupid as all hell...them.

for example...any woman who believes that a pill that makes you have one period a year is a good idea because you won't get pregnant you need your ass whooped and when you end up with a blood clot or with your cooter permanently out of commission you have no one to blame but yourself. how about closing your legs or being a bit more selective or at least using protection as an idea?

any grown ass man with kids who thinks pulling up to the albertson's parking lot yelling "cds dvds...dvds cds" is a good career move and a good way to provide for your kids (and before you think i'm crazy i know someone who had a baby's father that does this) you need your ass beat. you deserve to have your kids taken and be arrested for selling bootleg versions of soul plane 2.

if you can't pay your rent because you spent $60 on a fucked up weave and another $40 on a tacky hooker outfit and tickets to go see Kat Williams at Universal Studios (again...another real life example) you need your ass whooped.

if you live in an apartment off normandie and mlk with your baby momma, mother, sister, grandmother and uncle who just got out but you have a brand new escalade outside on 20's you need your ass whooped.

if your girl or man was with someone else when they met you and left that person for you THEN later cheated on you then you have NO RIGHT to be upset. they were like this when they met your dumb ass. you need your ass whooped for thinking you were any different than the person they cheated on WITH you. idiot.

if you met your girl/man in the club and now that you're together you're upset because they're BACK in the club shakin their ass and getting drinks for/from someone else and they don't know how to stay at home or go somewhere besides the club every week you have no business being surprised or upset. you need your ass whooped for thinking YOU were going to come along and change what this raggedy ass person has been doing their whole fucking life before during and after they met your dumb ass.

women...if you got with a man because he had a nice car with rims and 3 chains and because his watch was shining and he was poppin cris when you met him only for you to realize later on that he wasn't about shit and wasn't good father or boyfriend material and now you wonder why he's not a good father to your child together then you need your ass whooped boo. i feel no sympathy for your dumb ass in picking a man based on his car and his jewels. riding in his car and giving up the draws doesn't make you have money. you're still broke and you still eventually have to go home baby.

if you think you're deep and know what's going on in the world but you've never picked up a book after high school or read the newspaper or watched the news and you check mediatakeout.com more than you do msnbc.com or cnn or the only things you read are KING magazine and VIBE magazine you need your ass whooped. you know nothing and your opinion is worth less than that.

if you let a man pay your rent, feed your child (that's not his) and take you out then he flips out when you don't give up some love or he finds out you're fucking another dude on the side you probably did need your ass whooped. now...though it's never right for a man to hit a woman certain people need their ass whooped. men and women. you're not SUPPOSED to whoop a grown person's ass but i can see why the desire to do so could happen. if you think the man is wrong then get a job...feed your own goddamn kids and pay your own goddamn rent and stop depending on someone else for everything in your lazy fucking life.

if you've been on maury and were happy you found your baby's daddy on the fourth try or you were the guy and you danced around like a clown after finding out you weren't you both need your ass whooped for ruining an innocent childs life.

if you have a child and you don't know what they're studying in school or who their teachers are or even who their friends are you need your ass whooped.

if your rims cost more than the car you put them on you need your ass whooped.

if you spent more on your grill and your wardrobe than you did on investing in anything worthwhile you need your ass whooped.

if you spend more time in the club, standing around in a parking lot, at a strip club or going to bars than you do doing anything to better your life you need your ass whooped and i pray you don't have kids.

if you read this entire blog and have no idea what i'm talking about or don't have a clue why some of these things are a problem...well there's no point in whoopin your ass cause it would be a waste of time at this point.

peace.

do you have a license for that child?

something has been on my mind lately. the things we do and don't have to have a license for in life.

people have to have a license to own a gun. a license to practice medicine or even be a professional masseuse. you need a license to drive a car and a different license to ride a motorcycle, fly a plane or drive a big rig or bus. so there are several kinds of driver's licenses you can get. you need a license to marry people. to be a lawyer or a detective (even though all women think they're professionals at both). you need a license to sell alcohol. a license to sell adult magazines. restaurants need a license to serve food and operate their business. mechanics have to be licensed (unless it's your uncle Ray's shop off 54th and Crenshaw) to work at most big companies. you need a license for almost everything in life.

but...one of the things you DON'T need a license for is having kids. people should have to get a license to have a child. i know this may sound crazy or on some V for Vendetta big brother government type stuff but for the better of our community we should have to have a license to have kids.

you should have to at least pass a test before you can had a kid. stupid people should not be able to breed or raise children. because all they do is bring more dumb fucks into the world. think about some of the people you know that are too stupid or retarded to raise a child (sad part is i bet some of them have kids).

think about the 5 dumbest most ignorant muthafuckas you know (i use the word muthafuckas because it fits)...i bet you 3 of them have kids. right? do we REALLY need another one of them running around? really? name one thing they have contributed to society or life in general.

now ugly people i don't care about. although it would be nice to stop them from having kids some of the best parents i know happen to be ugly people with ugly little babies (although sometimes the kid gets lucky like Alicia Keys or Keyshia Cole and isn't as ugly as their ugly ass mommas). so...i don't think we should take the rights of ugly people to breed away. BUT...i do feel stupid people should have their right to breed taken away. if the license thing doesn't work and they just start having kids underground or illegally so to speak then maybe we look at neutering them or spading them. i know i know it sounds harsh but think about it...if stupid people weren't allowed to have and raise little stupid ignorant people we wouldn't have a lot of the dumb asses we have now.

think about it...no George W Bush, no Bobby Brown, no OJ Simpson, no Michael Jackson (yes he did a lot for music but he's also done a lot to embarass black people and humans in general so i think it's a fair trade off...plus we have Omarion, Neyo, Usher and Chris Brown just copying and redoing everything he did anyway), no Ms South Dakota (the dumb girl who said all the people in the americas didn't read because there are no maps in the world), no Brittney Spears or Kevin Federline, no Flavor Flav, no Plies, no Lil Boosie, no Khia, none of those dumb annoying bitches on the Hills and the list goes on and on forever. wouldn't the world be a better place?

we're overpopulated and our resources are overused and there are a lot of benefits we'd get by eliminating stupid people from breeding and making more little dumb fucks such as:

1. less traffic (anyone in LA or NY can appreciate this one)

2. no more getting frustrated about that stupid muthafucka at work that gets on your nerves

4. you could go see a black movie without worrying about someone starting a fight and fucking up the movie you just paid $17.50 to watch

5. less paying tax money for retarded ass law suits (someone burning themselves and suing a company because they're coffee was actually hot or suing because mcdonalds food made them fat...wtf?!)

6. no more flavor's of love, rocks of love, tila tequila hookers of love and no New York or her momma EVER!

7. no more being embarrassed every time they interview a black professional athlete or rapper on television because they can't talk intelligently about anything

8. no more clueless uneducated ignorant rednecks voting for the anti-christ because they're equally retarded mother or neighbor told them Obama was a muslim who hates america and was born in africa and raised by al-qaida

9. no more people believing our government didn't allow 0-11 to happen so they could pass any law they wanted while american's were all scared to go to the mall cause someone was going to fly a plane into a mall in kentucky (fyi no one is going to blow up anything outside of new york...there are no terrorist plotting on lake elsinore or temecula or little rock arkansas).

10. no more of that fucking soulja boy song and no more dumb shit on the radio.

sounds like a nice place to live doesn't it? so i ask all of you...write your congressman, write the president, tell your momma,

NO MORE STUPID PEOPLE HAVING KIDS. NO MORE DUMB PEOPLE BREEDING MORE DUMB PEOPLE! NEUTER EM! SPADE EM! SHIP EM TO IRAQ AND BRING THE TROOPS HOME! do it for your country. do it for a better world. do it for the kids.

oh shit!

you know that moment between tripping and actually hitting the ground? that split second where things seem to pause or move in slow motion...the time it takes for your brain to realize there's a stapler (or ball or rock or fist or whatever) flying at your head and the second it takes for your brain to process it then you suddenly feel the pain? that moment.

well someone sent me an email today where a few of those moments were captured on camera so i thought i'd share. some are funny...some will make you cringe but all of them should make you say "oh shi....."

enjoy (and be glad it wasn't you).

i don't know if he just fell on his own (no one else seems to be on the ground with him) and the car ran over him or if he got hit by the car OR if he was trying to hand the person in the car something but either way he won't be feeling good in a second. at least it looks like his bike didn't get messed up.


look at the guy's face that actually got hit. he won't be buying cracker jacks or popcorn or anything other than ensure shakes for a while. but that's not the only funny thing in this picture. check out the lady behind him and her reaction. hilarious. then there's a few people not even close to him on the far left that jumped more than he did. but the best one is the little girl to the left that just put her hands up because other people were doing it and the lady directly behind him who kept eating her popcorn/cracker jacks and isn't even flinching. THAT is priceless.

so this one is in the "slow motion" phase. at this point he's wondering how he's about to make this work with as little pain as possible. the fact that he's posing like he's flying gets him some cool points but all that cool shit will be out the window in a second or two.

at least it's his teammate. can't be too mad at your teammate. especially if you're the one that fell in front of him in the first place.

this one is good because you can actually see the "oh shit" face on the guy riding the bike. he already knows the wheel is gone. he already knows he's about to eat it and he already deserves to have his face planted for wearing that rag like mrs. butterworth instead of wearing a helmet.

this one actually made me cringe. i think the tip is going to break skin again. but even if it doesn't this one is kind of hard to look at and not rub or grab your own leg. but again...this one was completely avoidable. people run from and play with bulls because there's a chance stuff like this might happen. so you can't really be that mad or surprised when it does. you're actually kind of asking for it when you really think about it. it's like smoking cigarettes and being shocked or depressed when your doctor tells you that you have cancer. you kind of had it coming.

another bull one. i swear the whole running of the bulls thing makes me feel like they were asking for it. this guy is just an idiot. he should have just run and dove as far as he could have. it looks like he just kept running like he could run on water. so he'll make it to the water but the bull actually jumped and will be coming in on top of him in a second. good luck david blaine look-alike.

i really don't feel bad for these guys. even less so than the last two idiots. i know it's a mexican tradition but when you get several guys around dressed in pink michael jackson outfits stabbing a bull with swords and playing with him i don't know about you...but i kind of start rooting for the one with the horns. this guy will probably never shit right again in his life. he might not have kids either. he's actually probably a little past that moment and already feeling the pain.

this last one is definitely at that "oh shit" moment. it doesn't get any closer than this. this picture should be in the dictionary next to the term "oh shit." this one is going to hurt. and his friend who has a perfect view will be telling everyone this story for a while. kneepads: check. elbow pads: check. helmet: check. braces and broken nose: check.

just be glad none of these cats was you.

pimpin since been pimpin...

how funny is it that the first city Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton will campaign together in with her supporting him is named Unity, New Hampshire? isn't that cute?

he cut a check to cover the millions she ended up in debt (mainly for being hard headed and not gracefully bowing out sooner) and now it's all love in the Democratic party. which i think they need to defeat George Bush Vol 2 (McCain...who is even older, crankier and more hell bent on going to war with the entire world than retarded ass Bush is) even Bill said he'd support Obama in any way he could during his campaign to the white house. although i'm sure he's disappointed he won't be able to run around the white house pinching secretary asses...or will he?

look at this picture of Hillary & Barrack arriving as allies for the first time on the same jet. is it me or is that the "girl i can't believe you are still that flexible after putting Bill put all those miles on that old wrinkly monkey...you're an old ass freak!" look on Barrack's face and the "yeah...that first leg was a little hard to get behind my head but once i got that first one up there..." on Hillary's face.

i'm saying...Barrack might have tapped that ass on the plane ride. i mean we all can admit he's a smooth talker right? even his critics say he has no experience and just hypnotizes people with his words and eloquent manner. so why couldn't he talk ol' Hillary Rodham out them draws? it can't be that hard. she's old and probably lonely cause Bill is out with the young(er) honeys and she has to be so tough and stern all the time running for president. she might enjoy being handled every now and then. not to mention Barrack cut a check to cover her campaign debts.

now before the ladies send me any hate mail or leave some crazy anonymous comments. no...if a man buys you dinner or takes you to the movies you do not OWE him anything or have to give up the draws. but...if that man cuts a check for $26 million dollars to get YOU out of debt? well then yes you owe him not only the draws but all the freaky gutterbucket shit you said you wouldn't do after you were out of college. i'm talking magic city pornographic freaknik 96 type shit. be mad if you want. that's almost $30 million. she should have backflipped butt ass naked into the jet like "Barrack...come get this ass baby it's yours daddy."

i'm sayin...

don't believe me? look at this picture...

look at Barrack. look at him! anyone with any dating or sexual experience knows that's the "look like i'm listening while trying to figure out how i'm going to get her out them bloomers (Hillary's too old for sexy draws like boy shorts & shit)" trick. and she (like most women at this point) has no idea he's plotting on her and thinking about all the nasty shit he's going to do to her while she genuinely is just telling a story and making conversation. his ass isn't listening to all that bullshit. that man has a plan. THEN he's wearing a tie that matches her pant suit? that's not coincidence...THAT'S PIMPIN! that's game!

now...we all know Bill is a playa and far from a hater (game recognize game). and we KNOW how Bill gets down. so...Hillary is on board supporting Obama and taking private jet rides with the same man she spent a year talking shit about (and harsh too...not just regular campaign politics between fellow party members). Bill might be loaning that old cougar out in return for Obama letting Bill run a few hoes around the white house after november. i'm saying...is it really that far fetched?

all i'm saying is...Will Smith and Jada can't be the only swingers out there right? that's all i'm saying. it could happen.