new cell phones on the market!!!

is it just me...or have phone companies gotten out of control with some of the names they're coming up with for cell phones nowadays? it's like they're trying to make their phone the hottest on the market by giving it a crazy name when most cell phones basically do the same thing with a few exceptions. i mean...try finding a cell phone that doesn't have a camera, mp3 music, bluetooth, aim and a calendar/planner. after that you have a few flip phones, a couple with touch screens etc but other than that they all do the same shit. but they come up with the craziest names to make their phone seem taboo or like it's the hottest shit you need to spend $500 on just to be the first to have it.

for example...you have the samsung touch: pretty self explanatory. touch screen. woo-hoo! nothing else really unique or special but the name "touch" sounds sexy. at least it makes sense on this phone.

then you have the LG Rumor. this phone supposedly has bigger buttons and the easily accessible keyboard that makes it the fastest easiest phone to text (usually some bullshit) to everyone you know. but the name rumor is basically admitting most of the people with the phone will be texting some bullshit to people. so if you're the type that can't wait to tell everyone shit that most people with jobs and bills and shit could care less about this phone is for you.

finally there's the LG Dare. touchscreen. supposedly the "iPhone killer" because it has all the features that has without the need to pay $50 to download text software, email software, phonebook software and all the other shit the iPhone needs after you buy it. but...dare? it's a cell phone. other than daring someone to pay the bill what's there to dare about it? shit i dare you to call your baby momma and tell her that her cousin gives better head than her? exactly.

anyway...with all this said i think if they're going to have all these crazy edgy names then they should give the phones names and features that are appropriate and that customers can relate to in real life instead of all this other nonsense they're doing. so with that said i'll be starting my own cell phone company. you can purchase one of my phones and use any service with it since a lot of you don't pay your bills on time any damn way. here are the first phone models available this christmas.

1. the "LG Caught Up"

like dating someone then fucking their best friend, or relative or your friend's girl/man and not being slick about the dirt you do at all? then this is the phone for you. this phone is for the sneaky and the trifling who THINK they're slick but are about as slick as sandpaper. for the guys who think they're players when they're too dumb to know how to be slick or if you're a woman that is promiscuous but too stupid to spell it then this is the phone for you. if you think programming your other girl's number under code names is a smart idea this is the phone for you. for the person who gets caught cheating or being trifling and gets mad at the person that caught them instead of their damn selves for being sloppy. this is the phone for you.

2. the "Samsung He Said He Wouldn't Show Anyone" camera phone

are you the type of dumb bitch that lets a dude film you from behind or giving him head on the 2nd date? then get shocked when he posts it on youtube or sends it to everyone you know because you stopped talking to him or stood him up or embarrassed him at the club. this is the phone for you. the girl who lets every guy she sleeps with take pictures of it...film it or sends him naked pictures then later tells him to go fuck himself. the woman who hasn't realized the best way to keep someone from finding out you're a hoe is to not let anyone tape you being a hoe...this is the perfect phone for you.

3. the "Motorola Bitch Who You Textin"

this phone is a perfect gift from the overly insecure and controlling man for his unfortunate female mate. it slides open to show a full keyboard that plays a voice saying "i'm fucking someone else and his dick is bigger than yours" every time you hit a letter key..."i sucked up the nigga that was at the light with bigger rims than yours" when you hit a numeric key and finally "nigga you ain't shit and that's why i hate you" when you hit the space bar. it also has an easy to break password so nosy overprotective paranoid controlling boyfriends and baby daddies can easily break your password and snoop through your phone.

(the Motorola Bitch Who You Textin is also available in blue, silver or black as the "Motorola Nigga I Know You Cheatin" for those guys out there that have nosy, insecure girlfriends and baby momma's that are damaged, paranoid and have trust issues they won't let go of and continue to make you and anyone else they date pay for...over and over again)

4. the "Nokia This Muthafucka's Broke"

this is for the person who doesn't pay their bill on time and always ends up calling you two weeks later asking if you called them cause they "lost" their phone or their phone "was broken so they had to turn it off until they got the new one in the mail." it's just a regular flip phone but has cool new voicemail features. after your broke ass doesn't pay your phone bill if anyone calls you they will get an automated message saying "this broke muthafucka didn't pay their bill this month...again...so at this time you cannot leave this broke muthafucka a message. if you would like to leave a message or a numeric message please give this broke muthafucka $40 to put some more minutes on this raggedy muthafuckin phone. thank you."

that's it for this holiday season. more phone models will be revealed as they arrive in stores. hopefully this helps with your holiday shopping this year.

peace.