Monday, September 15, 2008

politics as usual...

funny skit from this past weekend's snl show. i called Tina Fey playing VP candidate Sarah Palin the day they announced she was McCain's running mate. but to finally see it is crazy how alike they look. Tina Fey killed it with her impression.

aside from the humor there's actually a lot of truth and a lot of good points in the skit. from pointing out how ignorant and uninformed Palin is to basically calling out the media at the end...this skit was too good to not share.

enjoy.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

wtf?! vol. X...

ok...i'm really not sure how to categorize this one. i won't say too much so that people who watch it can make up their own minds. just check out the video. let me know what you think. leave a comment. is it real? is he serious? i have no idea but i'm keeping my thoughts to myself for now. i want to let the video speak for itself at this point.

peace.

wtf?! vol. IX

i know it's been a week and a half or so since i hit this up...it's been crazy...busy two weeks. but this i couldn't pass up or let slide without asking wtf?! is wrong with these people?

why? who told them this shit was hot? who told them it was ok to do this let alone make a video for it? some people get mad when i say that sometimes my people embarrass me...so to those people i ask...how does this video make YOU feel?

exactly.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

it's go time...

it's about that time...


with Hillary stopping the state roll call asking for a nomination by acclamation a few minutes ago it's now official. Barack Obama has become the first Black nominee for a major political party.

this is the closest any minority has come to become president of the United States of America. it isn't over. it's just beginning. but it is finally time to get down to the final battle...his final test to get IN the Whitehouse is just starting. but Hillary definitely put the final touches on making it official with her powerful speech last night at the Democratic National Convention. she called out McCain and called her supporters who said they'd vote for McCain to get back at Obama out as well. she was very impressive and showed she could be a strong candidate in the future. but for now she is fully behind our current nominee and our true chance for change and a living legend. the next 3 months won't be easy at all and i never really thought i would see someone come this far in my lifetime. or at least not before i had grandchildren...maybe in my 60s but definitely not at 27.

do you realize what's happening right now? all those stories we read about MLK and Malcom X and Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks...THIS IS THAT BIG if not bigger. A BLACK MAN IS THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE! do you have ANY idea how crazy this really is? just saying this 4 years ago would have gotten you laughed at. saying it just 40/50 years ago would have probably gotten you killed.

it's an exciting time to be alive. with all of the Black people out there working so hard to embarrass us as a people and make us look like a bunch of ignorant clowns (Plies, Shawty Lo, Flavor Flav, mediatakeout, and all the people on hotghettomess.com) it feels good to have a Black man to look up to and one that is doing what no one before him has been able to do.

oh yes...it is officially Obama Time.

productdose...

it's been a while since i visited one of my favorite sites online so i thought a little productdose.com would be good for today. it's been a minute and a few of the things below were too good not to share. enjoy.

1. Nose Shower Gel Dispenser |via CribCandy|

so it goes up in your shower on the wall. looks like a giant nose (they come in brown and tan too...you've got to love that) and when you push the nostrils it dispenses whatever you put in it. shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, etc.

now if you have this you HAVE to get green shower gel at least once. it just wouldn't be right if you didn't. or maybe one of those shower gels that have little beads in them so that it looks chunky green. might as well go all out if you're going to go there at all.

this thing would be worth a few laughs when someone stayed with you and i can't help but think it would put a smile on your face when you woke up each morning. start the day with a little laugh to yourself about this ridiculous shower gel dispenser you have in your shower.

2. Trampoline Coffee Table |via ThisNext|

ok...this one just sounds like trouble. i'm not really sure how big this thing is or why in god's name you would want the center of your coffee table to be a trampoline but then again i can't really think of a reason why not.

judging by the size of the candle on the edge of the table this thing isn't big enough for more than one average sized person to jump on and even then i'm not sure it's a good idea. but hey...why not right? if having absolutely ridiculous things in your house is your style then so far you're two for two with this and the item above.

3. Chrono-Shredder Calendar |via Yanko|

this one i would love to actually have at work. it's a calendar that shreds the previous date when it's time for the new one.

it literally shows you days past and time wasted once it shreds the day altogether. not sure if it does it automatically or if you have to push a button but who cares? the idea is just different and seems like something that would be cool to have on the wall in general.

now all i need is a clock where the numbers fall off as time goes by and my collection will be complete! this thing is actually pretty big. if you click the link to the vendor that makes it above you'll see a person standing next to it to get an idea of just how big this thing is. the paper in the calendar is regular sized notebook/printer paper as a reference for size.

4. Scented Laptops |via Trendhunter|

not sure why or who would be interested in this one but hey...you never know right? right. anyway. this is a line of scented colorful laptops. i'm sure the colors correlate with the scent of each laptop.

although i'm just guessing...i can be the black one smells the worse. they probably made it smell like black licorice or some bullshit like that. couldn't possibly be blackberry or something.

it actually comes in 4 difference scents to choose from regardless of the graphic color or design you choose. not sure how they decided 4 scents people would want their laptop to smell like though.

"he says, she says" vol. II

"he says, she says..." where we pick a topic then give you the perspective from both sides of the sex spectrum.

today's topic: women want it just as much as men do


he says:

this topic is one of the oldest in the world but for some reason it's still one of the most talked about. i think that the facts are often pretty easy to agree on but there are other little factors that cause the debate to go on forever. things like double standars...if a man sleeps around he's a pimp but if a woman does she's a hoe. if a man is up front then he's confident and knows what he wants but if a woman is the same way she's easy and a slut for not being private. a lot of our issues in society come from old traditional roles and the naturally sexist nature of most religions (that's another topic). most societal rules and religious systems are built around suppressing women and keeping them reserved in the background and not really seen or heard in many ways. shit...that's why so many women in church's are freaks and a pastor's daughter can probably show you the greatest night of your life. but again...that's all another discussion for another time.


the issue here actually comes from how we talk about sex in general (and yes the picture above is an actual poster from the 50s). when it comes to sex...a man is "getting some" whereas a woman is "giving it up." shit...why is it for them to give up and for us to be so happy to get? i know most men are just happy to hit anything that will let them so that plays a part but those of us that can be selective are. shit a woman is lucky to "get some" from me. we're both benefiting in this situation so i'll be damned if i should feel lucky. women want the D just as much as we want to give it to them. you don't think so? ask all these cougars running around here trying to game up and fuck these young dudes. women don't hit their peak later...they just learn later in life that it's better to be up front about what you want than play all the games younger women still play when it comes to getting their needs met. most younger women who try this are usually not smart enough to do the same without becoming hoes in the process.

then you have all these products to increase female libido like they have no sex drive. women have one but it just runs on different types of fuel than a man's. a man can see an attractive woman and not know anything about her OR know her and not like her but will still be able to have sex with her and separate his feelings from his needs. women typically put more emotion into who they sleep with because they do feel like they're giving it away. some women act like they don't but they end up emotionally confused and fucked up later in life trying to act like men. we're not built the same.

a woman has desires and physical needs and will sometimes give in to those just to get satisfied or release that tension but they typically don't. they think just as many nasty sexual thoughts as men but are taught to keep those within. a lot of women aren't open about what they want for fear of being judged. and when a woman does she's looked at differently and judged even by fellow women who WISH they had the confidence to be that open and up front about what they want without caring who they offend or what insecure men think of her.


so yes...at the end of the day women want it just as much as men do. but because of how we are raised, how we are built emotionally and society's little unspoken rules they have to carry themselves differently. it's ok for us to be sex fiends and promiscuous without being judged because the worst thing people will of us is that "oh they're just men...that's how they're supposed to be."

i definitely feel my women out there and sympathize for you. but i guess that's another reason it's great to be a guy. we get to act like animals sometimes and not be judged for it. although i try to carry myself as a gentleman and am never crude i still can appreciate the fact that we have the freedom to be our primal selves and still be accepted.


she says:

Yes it’s true that oftentimes, women want it just as bad – if not worse than men.


Studies have proved that the older we get, the more horny we are. Conversations with

older women have proved that the older we get, the less tolerant we are of your bullshit, and the

easier it is for us to ‘fuck and get up’ so to speak.


As the world turns – so does the things that us women are able to voice. We used to be required to

be reserved and if we were sexually expressive we were better known as whores.

Today we have the power to tell someone we want them sexually without worrying about the consequences.

If we ask for it, and it’s given correctly we may even act a damn fool. Look at Vivica Fox hopping over brick

walls, stalking people all because she got some good penis. Damn 50.


Look at what happened once Ray J and Kim Kardashian released that sex tape. He had women like Whitney

Houston calling for that ‘d’. And Tyra Banks throwing that old wolf pussy at him.

We no longer have to be reserved and wait for him to make the first pass, hoping that will lead to the last pass.

And we are much better at asking you to bang it out and then telling you to get the hell out. We no longer are

interested in the aftermath cuddling. And now that the roles have reversed you will find men wanting what we

used to want. Affection. When we act affectionless, men can’t comprehend it so in return they crave affection, and

also act affectionate in needs of it being reciprocated.

Nowadays good ‘d’ is like a winning lottery ticket – everyone wants it. And don’t let us find out YOU have it - ask Mariah Carey… we will hunt you dowwwwwn….


Next we’ll be making babies then dropping them off on baby daddies porch only to be summons with a child support order months later.


How times have changed.

Monday, August 25, 2008

wtf?! vol. VIII...

this is wrong. just plain fucking wrong. why? why? gotdammit WHY?! how do you do someone's mother like this? lord. and of all the times too? jesus.

ok...let me just get this over with. so...here's a picture of Michael Phelps (greatest olympic swimmer ever Michael Phelps) with his mother. proud mother (as she should be).


now...here's a picture of his mother that hit the internet this week.


can you say a gotdamn shame? why would someone do his momma like this? it's supposedly from an ex who took the picture "years ago." first...i won't judge her old ass for being laid out like that cause i'm sure it was fueled by a few sips and some emotional feelings for whoever took the picture. but damn...if you take pictures like this with your old ass make sure that person STAYS your man OR get those pictures back when it doesn't work out. cause this is just a travesty. a hot ass mess of a situation. not 100% it's her but either way that's just wrong. ladies...watch who you let have these pictures of you. or make sure there's an understanding beforehand. cause some dudes can be bitchmade and bitter and pull little get-back shit like a 12 year old girl.

i understand moms could still be a freak and might be getting the "D" on the regular from somewhere but letting this shit leak out is just completely uncalled for.

thank god i ate lunch already or my day would be fucked up at this point too. i gotta go pray. cause all this is making me feel like i need Jesus in MY life.

peace.

**************************************************

UPDATE: i thought i should add a little note before anyone else hits me up concerned about the pictures above.

YES i know that's not his mother. the eyes and nose are not the same at all. the point was it's a funny picture and it shows how ignorant mediatakeout is with some of the shit they just post and think about later. they will LITERALLY post ANYTHING that ANYONE sends in. trust me on this one. if anyone missed the irony and sarcasm in this post then i apologize that you couldn't tell the difference.

peace.

wtf?! vol. VII

what in the HELL is wrong with K-Ci & Jo Jo? man...does anyone remember when Jodeci was the shit? i mean even DruHill was just a Jodeci carbon copy. but i swear...drugs...drinking and just issues in general ruined Jodeci. K-Ci & JoJo actually held it down the longest after Devonte was cracked out on that shit.

but now...man...it's all bad. just watch the video below. i won't say too much and cause the video pretty much speaks for itself. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. but just watch and if you can't see what i mean then trust me you will know by the half way mark that these cats are on that shit. off that "ooh-wee!" i guess cocaine really is a helluva drug.

peace.

5 bad chicks with snake butts...

a little under 2 months ago i posted about Tila Tequila on the cover of King and the term "snakebutt" since i used it in the piece. for those that missed it or missed the definition of the term...here it is:

snake-butt (sneyk buht) Slang. a woman who, like a snake, has an ass; but if asked to, you could not immediately point it out or identify where it is.

so...with that i had a few people hit me up saying they were upset (all in fun of course...no one REALLY upset...at least i don't think so) that i discredited all the little booty honeys in the world and/or that a woman didn't have to have a nice ass (or evidently an ass at all) to be hot. now...i actually agree with that. so in light of that fact and to show my support for little booty honeys all over the world i present "5 Bad Chicks w/ Snakebutts." enjoy.

1. Cassie


Cassie in a word is BAD. no question about it. she's beautiful...has ridiculous lips & eyes and can dance. her singing not so much but she gets a pass because nowadays most singers selling records can't (i blame the people BUYING that shit not the people MAKING it). she's FIRE in her new video and even though i laugh and think "aww...that's so cute" when she does close ups of her butt i still can appreciate a good pair of boyshorts to accent what little booty she's working with. people love to call her Puffy's side piece or bust it baby but call her what you want the girl is bad...period.

2. Kerry Hilson



Kerry Hilson's video for her first single "energy" is currently on my short list for sexiest video of 2008. she doesn't look like or sound like anyone else in the game right now and that only makes her that much hotter. ass or no ass Kerry Hilson could get it. shit i might buy the album just because. i'm sure most of the songs will be more for women than guys but i gotta show my support for a chick this bad. i think i might go youtube that video right now.

3. Nicole Scherzinger


ok...so no i don't know her but i think i may possibly be in love with this girl. this girl is actually bad enough to make me listen to the Pussycat Dolls...now i won't buy the album BUT i will admit that i have downloaded "buttons" and "when i grow up" and have bumped those in the whip before...windows up of course. lol. but it's not just that she's beautiful...her swagger is crazy and you can see it in every video. singing "dontcha" you HAVE to be bad AND confident...Nicole is both...with little to no cakes to speak of.

4. Kourtney Kardashian


one of the OTHER Kardashian sisters. everyone knows Kim of course for different reasons. she definitely has the best body hands down of the 3 but in my opinion Kourtney is the cutest (the third isn't ugly...she's just not pretty compared to her sisters so she ends up being the ugly sister in THIS family...although Kim and Kourtney are tied for the dumbest sister so i guess it all works out) of the three. she's hot every time you see her and just too fucking cute to ignore. she's like a littler...cuter Kim Kardashian without the ass and without the whole "i got peed on by Ray J" thing.

5. Jessica Alba


white america loves Jessica now but we had her in "Honey" first. she was a hip hop dancing honey from the hood who just wanted to make it as a choreographer. the fact that she couldn't dance and really doesn't have any ass didn't stop her from doing her thing in the movie and hasn't kept her from being bad ever since. Jessica...like Cassie...has pretty eyes and nice lips so her overall beauty is incredible while not having any real cakes to speak of.

other notable women who didn't make the list include Lucy Lui, Angelina Jolie, Kerry Washington, Dania Ramirez and Meagan Fox.

the point is no...a woman does not have to have a nice ass to be attractive or even bad. a woman can have a very nice petite body with no video girl curves and still be a banger. hopefully now that i've made lists of women with and without curves who are all hot we can let this show that beautiful women come in many shades and shapes (not all...but many). i still think any woman 250lb heavy or Nichole Richie boney are nasty as hell but i'm willing to work with those in between the extremes.

peace.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

5 categories men put women into...

there's this old email/blog that people send around about the 4 categories of women. what role they play so to speak...including wifey, baby girl, side piece and jump off. this helps by trying to narrow down what role a woman plays in a man's life.


but what it doesn't list is how men look at women. for the majority...there are 5 categories men put women into. so i thought it might be helpful if not interesting to lay those out for people. some men may not even realize the difference which is why you have dudes wifing up one-night-stand material.

NOTE: BEFORE READING FORWARD...YOU WILL NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT NO...NOT ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS OR PRINCESSES AND NO NOT ALL WOMEN ARE RELATIONSHIP WORTHY OR GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL. THERE ARE SOME WOMEN (AND MEN) WHO ARE JUST NOT SUITED FOR THOSE ROLES. IT'S REALITY. SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE.

moving on...here are my 5 categories men put women into with brief explanations as well as some examples of women i think fit each category. enjoy.

1. Wifeable

wifeable is the one. the most rare and priceless of women. this is a woman who is not only girlfriend material but long-term relationship/settle down and raise children with material. she has her own opinions, goals, aspirations etc and supports her man in his. she is attractive inside and out. a woman you can take around your family, friends or anywhere you go. she is a great friend as well as a lover and a partner. she doesn't play games...isn't immature and gives herself completely to a man that does the same. the issue with wifeable is that if you don't realize what you have you could lose it only to regret it forever once you realize what you lost. she's "the one" in so many words. a "keeper." the problem is when men meet her too early or before they're ready to settle down she can end up being "the one that got away."




2. Walkable

walkable is the honey you love dating and hanging out with. she meets friends and is someone you have no problem taking out. she doesn't always meet moms or family but that's only because she may not be long-term. something tells you she's good right now but you don't see a "forever" with her. that's the basic difference between her and wifeable. she's hot. sexually compatible. cool to be around. that bomb ass girlfriend but something tells you that she's eventually going to be your "next ex." this is the woman we date in college or after that eventually ends up as an ex girlfriend. sometimes a man will think about her sexually from time to time but there's never a desire to try the relationship again once it's over. This is the girl you will call from time to time after cause you miss her and she made you feel you good.




3. Flossable

this female is typically flyer and physically more attractive than walkable and wifeable. the difference is this honey is high maintenance...not always that bright and often gets on your fucking nerves. the issue is...SHE'S BAD AS SHIT. this is the hot chick. she's beautiful...fly girl style...BANGIN body but can be annoying as hell, dumb as a bag of bricks. but...because she's hot most men will put up with her shit just to be seen with her. she's not long term (unless you're an athlete and don't mind wifing her while you fuck other women on the side) and eventually you just tire of her after her looks and sex game are no longer enough to help overlook her fonky attitude and wack ass personality.



4. Fuckable

fuckable is often incredible in bed. often very giving and like a pornstar behind closed doors. she typically has an incredible body or some amazing physical trait you can't get out your mind. the problem is she's either ugly or doesn't know how to act in public. because of that she's fuckable...but not walkable and DEFINITELY not wifeable. this is the girl you call to come through late at night and kick it alone and you both know what's going down. you'd never go out on a date or take her out as "your girl" because you don't want anyone (including her) getting that impression. some call this the "booty call" or "jump off." she's the girl with the big ass that you call to come through at 1130 at night and get out early the next morning. she can actually be around longer than most girlfriends because she's often dependable and someone to fall back on. she's also typically the best you ever had or will have sexually because she's uninhibited and puts it DOWN so some men will hide her while paying her bills. this is also typically the woman who men cheat on their wives or girlfriends with because she'll do things they won't or she'll do them better w/out acting like a 12 year old child about it (NOTE: saying "ugh that's nasty i'm not doing that" to your man is the quickest way to get him to find miss fuckable).

now...there are cases where a woman is not ugly and her face is as attractive as her body but she still falls into this category for one or more reasons...such as her reputation for being a hoe or everyone having hit it. so fuckable can also be the woman that every man WANTS to fuck even though not all men will ADMIT IT because she smashed SEVERAL of the homies...so you front in public like "she's a hoe, everyone hit that, i'm not fuckin w/her" but when no one's looking you know you're gonna call her to come through.




5. Despicable

not sure i really need to explain this one. despicable is probably too harsh of a word. but it more refers to the physical attraction factor...there is none. this can be the homegirl who is STRICTLY platonic and not attractive to you in any way. or...this can be the girl you find unattractive and can't stand. it's basically every woman who doesn't fall into one of the above categories.



well...hopefully this helps the guys as well as the women. if you have any questions about which category you're in think about your current situation or your last 3 situations and you should be able to see which girl you are if you're honest with yourself. again...not all women are wifeable or even walkable. so if you and your 4 friends read this and all think you fall into one of the first two categories then someone in denial.

peace.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"he says, she says..." vol. I

first installment of "he says, she says..." where we pick a topic then give you the perspective from both sides of the sex spectrum.

today's topic: women are gold diggers because men are tricks


he says:

first off...it IS tricking whether you have it or not. having money doesn't change the rules of the game. shit...the biggest tricks in the world are the ones with money cause they can afford to be bigger tricks than most.

with that established...the idea that women are gold diggers because men are tricks is a good example of a hand in hand relationship. for instance...if it rains then the ground gets wet. if you keep eating everything in sight you'll be fat eventually. these are all examples of things that go hand in hand meaning one typically comes with the other and that you can't have one without the other. it's like the chicken & the egg...no one knows which came first but you can't have one without the other.

gold diggers CREATE tricks and tricking in turn CREATES gold diggers.

men...when all you talk about and focus on is your watch...what kind of car you drive and brag about how much you make then a women gets the idea that's all you have to offer. think about every other rap song right now...4 out of 5 songs are talking about who's ballin and how much money the rapper has (which is typically a lie anyway but that's another subject) and what they can buy for woman. with that said how the hell can men be surprised all women want is money when that's ALL YOU ACT LIKE YOU HAVE TO OFFER?! fucking retards. if all you do is brag about your bank account why would she give a shit about anything else? how many rappers talk about how women didn't want them when they were broke now they're getting ass left and right? that doesn't sound like a pimp...that sounds like a trick to me.

women...when all you do is talk to the guy with the nice car and nice watch or the one taking you to benihana's and the cheesecake factory then yes you typically end up with a materialistic shallow situation wondering why the fuck the man you're with is useless past his money. hint: those of us that don't have to trick to get a woman's attention DON'T. men trick because most of them have no game, conversation or personality worth offering. most women are gold diggers because they're tired of dealing with typical male bullshit from broke dudes. they figure...if all men are dogs and assholes i might as well have one that's paid.

for this cycle to stop happening (lol good luck with that) men need to show they have something else to offer and women have to stop paying attention to the car and pay attention to the muthafucka driving it cause you're dating him not his car. and fyi if you sleep with a man with money you still go home broke baby. either way i guess it's all fair in love and war. everyone is trying to get ahead and no one wants to play the fool. the problem is most people out there are playing the fool anyway. dating is getting worse and worse and the quality of people out there is depressing sometimes.

to the men with some actual personality and sense that don't have to spend every dime they have to get a woman to spend 10 minutes with them...and to the women out there that appreciate being treated well but don't NEED to be supported and spoiled big ups and keep doing your thing.

to the men going broke trying to impress these hoes then getting mad when they only see your money and to the women that don't bring shit but an empty purse and an appetite...you all deserve one another. all i ask is that you all stick to one another and not waste the time of the people that are actually trying to keep their lives bullshit free and be about something.

-VSperiod


she says:

For decades both men and women have been going back and forth about the everlasting topic of Gold Diggers and Tricks.

Some may argue that men “trick” because women “dig” – others argue that women “dig” because men “trick.”


Whatever the cause, it is undeniable that both feed off of each other. If there were no money to be begged for, there’d be

no women “begging” and vice versa. It is safe to say that they have created their very own food chain in which both

need each other to survive. This behavior can be compared to many of things i.e. teasing a child with candy & toys wherein the

child is the woman and the toy is the money, car, jewels and gifts.

If you go back in time it was economic for women to stay home and run the house, while the man went out and made the

money. Although this was because women were expected to stay home to raise, and sometime home school the children,

money making was always expected of the man – which was normally the head of the household.

As time went on women gained rights – including the right to say HELL NO I’m not sittin’ in the house takin’ care of these

nappy-headed kids while you sit at the titty bar and trick off this week’s earnings – thus women began either working or


GOLD DIGGEN!!


Now here in 2008 – “gold digger” might as well be an occupation because millions of women throughout the U.S. and

beyond are making hell of an income from such. Women are even demanding pay per child in their prenuptial agreements.

While men continue to complain about money-hungry scavengers – at the same time they continue to purchase $100k cars,

Rolexes, and STILL use “I can take care of you, baby” as pick up lines. Can you blame those women that get with you


for a little bit of cash??


The only question at hand is which is it that rules the world? Money or Pussy?


Angie Jones aka iCeBoX

Friday, August 15, 2008

first official Booty Sweat ad...

a little over a month ago i posted about a new energy drink called Booty Sweat coming out. a few people hit me up saying it was fake and couldn't possibly be real. it's an energy drink that is actually from the upcoming movie Tropic Thunder...however...they're actually planning on marketing and selling the drink while the movie is in theatres. i actually saw it at 7-11 near my house. i'll get you guys a picture. as far as taste i don't know if i can help you...i just can't see myself putting something called Booty Sweat up to my lips. unless it was like Kim Kardashian or Angel Lola Luv booty sweat. in that case i'd still get it straight from the source. so i guess depending on whose ass it is a little ass sweat never hurt anyone.

anyway...they've officially launched their first commercial for Booty Sweat. check it out.

Check out this video: Welcome Message from Alpa Chino

Friday, August 8, 2008

cooter colors


the above is not what you think it is. i was checking out a friend's blog and came across something that looked interesting. honestly the color of the packages in the picture stopped me and made look long enough to figure out what it was.

i almost ignored it after a quick glance because it looks like hair dye or some beauty product that as a straight man with no hair (shave my head) i could give a shit about.

but after reading the title of the post and the first few lines i realized it was actually hair dye (like i thought) for the "hair down there" (NOT like i thought). that's right...pubic hair dye. conveniently located by the condoms, lube and massage oils (which is basically scented lube).

definitely some new shit i was not aware of but it's interesting to say the least. i mean...i'm not big on hairy women whose crotches look like Ben Wallace or a happy trail that leads to a wilderbeast patch...i prefer trimmed nicely...maybe a creative shape/design even or shaved but i must admit...neon bright pink hair would definitely make me pause to take a second look.

that's probably the funnest idea of these and i'm into creative things to liven up sex. the other regular colors i'm thinking are for women who dye their hair and want to have the carpet match the curtains or older women who are going gray in more places than one and want the cooter to look young and vibrant? who knows...either way i figured some of you might find this interesting. if you've been with your man for a while or if you're dating and just want to put an extra touch on it then trust me...a man pulling off the boyshorts and finding a bright pink patch (i wonder if it glows in the dark? THAT would be off the hook!) will definitely add something new and is almost sure to get a response from whoever comes across your newly colored cooter.

sidenote: we need a new word for a woman's genitalia cause all the current ones are horrible: cooter, pussy, monkey, don't don't, vajayjay, twat etc. ladies...get together with each other and have a round table and let us know what you come up with. if you need any assistance let us know.

peace.

wtf?! vol. VI

there's really not a lot to say about this bullshit. but it helps support my belief that people will continue to do dumb shit to get famous via youtube. from nonsense like B Scott and Chris Crocker to shit like this...at times i can't fuck with youtube. there's just too much shit and i don't want to be the 1 millionth hit on some of that nonsense.

but then they post Suge Knight getting knocked out or Keyshia Cole's fucked up family and i can't resist.

the most disturbing part of this next video is i think he was dead ass serious and thinks this shit is hot. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. either way i want to know why this person's family didn't whoop their ass and stop this nonsense while they had a chance. such a god damn shame.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

is there a such thing as TOO MUCH ass?

well...before today i would have said...no. there is no such thing as too much ass or too big of an ass.

as a lover of large round asses and somewhat of an expert...i honestly didn't think i'd ever see a large ass i didn't like (unless of course it was sloppy or the girl looked like she smelled like room temperature tuna salad and toejam).

but today i stand corrected. today i have proof that yes...there is a such thing as too much ass. as a side note...may i say that the brotha with the camera in the first picture needs to go ahead and come out the closet and admit he's an extreme chubby chaser. and i THINK that's an ass cheek in the second picture. i'm not 100% certain it's not thigh meat but i'm pretty sure that's mostly ass meat. i think.



Monday, July 21, 2008

just stop being lazy and wash your ass...

ok...first...here's the link for an article on a new trend that started in japan (but didn't take long for americans to turn it into the newest fad like they do so many other things).

basically they're carp fish (they're even calling them doctor fish...give me a fucking break) that work like most scavengers and shit eaters like crabs and leeches do. the same way some sea animals feed on whales...these little fish feed on crusty feet.

they swim around eating the dead skin off your feet and from in between your crusty nasty stankin ass toes. now...some say this is just using nature to our advantage...which would make sense if this were 10,000BC and we were the Flinstones. but in an age where vacuum cleaners push themselves, showers spray and clean themselves and there's a pill to help you do everything from losing your gut to fixing that cocked eye you have and to even give you a hard dick for 36 hours do we really need anything else to make us even more lazy?

i think if you need this then there's something wrong. or if this is what's up then fuck it...let's go all the way. lets find a snail that slides and slimes around and eats the germs that cause bad breath and we can call it listersnail. then lets find a spider that crawls up your ass and cleans your colon by balling up all your waste in a web that you shit out in one sticky webby ball of spider shit.

people...this should not be a trend. it's not hot. it's not creative. it's fucking nasty. because if i see a girl in there and all the fish are over in her area of the tank then i know that bitch is nasty and doesn't wash her feet let alone her stankin ass.

people...wash your feet. wash your ass and stop waiting for them to find an animal to come eat the crust off your stanking non-bathing ass. ya nasty sons a bitches.

new cell phones on the market!!!

is it just me...or have phone companies gotten out of control with some of the names they're coming up with for cell phones nowadays? it's like they're trying to make their phone the hottest on the market by giving it a crazy name when most cell phones basically do the same thing with a few exceptions. i mean...try finding a cell phone that doesn't have a camera, mp3 music, bluetooth, aim and a calendar/planner. after that you have a few flip phones, a couple with touch screens etc but other than that they all do the same shit. but they come up with the craziest names to make their phone seem taboo or like it's the hottest shit you need to spend $500 on just to be the first to have it.

for example...you have the samsung touch: pretty self explanatory. touch screen. woo-hoo! nothing else really unique or special but the name "touch" sounds sexy. at least it makes sense on this phone.

then you have the LG Rumor. this phone supposedly has bigger buttons and the easily accessible keyboard that makes it the fastest easiest phone to text (usually some bullshit) to everyone you know. but the name rumor is basically admitting most of the people with the phone will be texting some bullshit to people. so if you're the type that can't wait to tell everyone shit that most people with jobs and bills and shit could care less about this phone is for you.

finally there's the LG Dare. touchscreen. supposedly the "iPhone killer" because it has all the features that has without the need to pay $50 to download text software, email software, phonebook software and all the other shit the iPhone needs after you buy it. but...dare? it's a cell phone. other than daring someone to pay the bill what's there to dare about it? shit i dare you to call your baby momma and tell her that her cousin gives better head than her? exactly.

anyway...with all this said i think if they're going to have all these crazy edgy names then they should give the phones names and features that are appropriate and that customers can relate to in real life instead of all this other nonsense they're doing. so with that said i'll be starting my own cell phone company. you can purchase one of my phones and use any service with it since a lot of you don't pay your bills on time any damn way. here are the first phone models available this christmas.

1. the "LG Caught Up"

like dating someone then fucking their best friend, or relative or your friend's girl/man and not being slick about the dirt you do at all? then this is the phone for you. this phone is for the sneaky and the trifling who THINK they're slick but are about as slick as sandpaper. for the guys who think they're players when they're too dumb to know how to be slick or if you're a woman that is promiscuous but too stupid to spell it then this is the phone for you. if you think programming your other girl's number under code names is a smart idea this is the phone for you. for the person who gets caught cheating or being trifling and gets mad at the person that caught them instead of their damn selves for being sloppy. this is the phone for you.

2. the "Samsung He Said He Wouldn't Show Anyone" camera phone

are you the type of dumb bitch that lets a dude film you from behind or giving him head on the 2nd date? then get shocked when he posts it on youtube or sends it to everyone you know because you stopped talking to him or stood him up or embarrassed him at the club. this is the phone for you. the girl who lets every guy she sleeps with take pictures of it...film it or sends him naked pictures then later tells him to go fuck himself. the woman who hasn't realized the best way to keep someone from finding out you're a hoe is to not let anyone tape you being a hoe...this is the perfect phone for you.

3. the "Motorola Bitch Who You Textin"

this phone is a perfect gift from the overly insecure and controlling man for his unfortunate female mate. it slides open to show a full keyboard that plays a voice saying "i'm fucking someone else and his dick is bigger than yours" every time you hit a letter key..."i sucked up the nigga that was at the light with bigger rims than yours" when you hit a numeric key and finally "nigga you ain't shit and that's why i hate you" when you hit the space bar. it also has an easy to break password so nosy overprotective paranoid controlling boyfriends and baby daddies can easily break your password and snoop through your phone.

(the Motorola Bitch Who You Textin is also available in blue, silver or black as the "Motorola Nigga I Know You Cheatin" for those guys out there that have nosy, insecure girlfriends and baby momma's that are damaged, paranoid and have trust issues they won't let go of and continue to make you and anyone else they date pay for...over and over again)

4. the "Nokia This Muthafucka's Broke"

this is for the person who doesn't pay their bill on time and always ends up calling you two weeks later asking if you called them cause they "lost" their phone or their phone "was broken so they had to turn it off until they got the new one in the mail." it's just a regular flip phone but has cool new voicemail features. after your broke ass doesn't pay your phone bill if anyone calls you they will get an automated message saying "this broke muthafucka didn't pay their bill this month...again...so at this time you cannot leave this broke muthafucka a message. if you would like to leave a message or a numeric message please give this broke muthafucka $40 to put some more minutes on this raggedy muthafuckin phone. thank you."

that's it for this holiday season. more phone models will be revealed as they arrive in stores. hopefully this helps with your holiday shopping this year.

peace.

Friday, July 18, 2008

big girls with benefits...

i have two friends that i think are chubby chasers. i don't think either of them have made a conscious decision to only go after big girls but whether they know it or not they're chubby chasers. (kind of like that guy in high school everyone knew was gay EXCEPT them and then they come out and get mad when no one is shocked or surprised...kind of like that).

the women they date are typically on the healthy/hefty side (i know hefty is so NOT a sexy word but it fits...sorry) and once you're in your 20's that's not a trend or a phase...you like em big. now...i'm not talking thick like

Toccara: as long as she'd shut up for 5 minutes she could definitely get it. for the record...she is the epitome of thick. she's not a big girl. all her curves and weight are in the right place...it's just that she has a voice made to break glass windows and shatter eardrums.

Trina: true...she does look like E.T. but...if anyone out there is still confused...women...NO ONE LIKES TRINA BECAUSE OF HER MUSIC OR HER FACE...no one. trust me.

or Angel Lola Luv: no real words other than jesus christ and no...her ass is not too big.

no...i'm not talking thick like the girls above...i'm talking big girls. (sidenote: it's not about weight...it's all in how you wear it). we're talking Star Jones before the surgery...like comedian Mo'Nique from the Parkers big. big girl doesn't necessarily mean obese or sloppy. some big girls dress hot. and most big girls ALWAYS have their hair and nails done.

anyway...i'm getting off track...back to the point. i have a few friends who are chubby chasers and an uncle who told me cute/pretty girls come with headaches and have too much attitude and most can't cook or do shit but sit there and look cute (which is true about a lot of but not all pretty women) and that i should get a "fluffy girl" because "fluffy girls need love too."

so that made me think...there are some advantages to dating a big girl. that's a little too much lovin for me but i thought i'd lay out a few benefits i could think of in reason for dating a big woman.

1. warm in the winter time

for those that live in southern cali like me this may not be a concern. but for brothas living in denver, chicago or new york in the winter time cuddling up to a skinny honey when it's cold out isn't much help. imagine if you could wrap up in a big girl's love. shit...throw one of those thigh-looking arms over you and you're good. no frostbite tonight!

2. everything feels like a titty

ok...so imagine you're in bed and it's dark. you're kind of in the mood and want to feel on a little something. with any regular girl you gotta take into account what she's wearing. do i have to unfasten a bra? sneak under a shirt? slide the draws off? etc. with a big girl it doesn't matter what direction you go or what you grab. everything feels breasts or an ass cheek. shit...you could get escited rubbin on her big ass smooth ass elbow...just pretend she has really flat nipples.

3. you KNOW she can cook

well...at least there's a good chance. when you have that much experience with food chances are you learned SOMETHING a long the way. how to crack an egg...season a turkey leg...shit she at least has to know how to make a sandwich to be that big. it's not a sure thing that all big girls can cook...but i bet you even Oprah's rich ass can cook better than Nicole Richie.

4. great personality

what do girls ALWAYS say about their big girl friends when they're trying to hook someone up with them or convince someone to go out with them on a double date? "she's cool as hell and she's got a great personality." right? right. see...when you look like Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls you can have an attitude and get away with it. when you look like that big girl from Xscape (remember her?) you're not really cute enough to have all that attitude and smart ass comments or else you'll end up getting left even by your friends. nothing worse than an ugly or big girl with an attitude. and they know that cause when you're not much to look at you have to have some kind of upside to you. which goes back to big girls always having their hair and nails done. they have to put in a little extra effort.

5. all big girls give a lot of head...so they must be good at it

now this is more a guess but i'm saying...practice has to add up to skill sooner or later right? as far as the "a lot" part...think back to high school. remember that big girl that was a hoe? everyone made fun of her but everyone knew she got caught giving head in several different places. in the library, at an assembly, behind the bungalo's etc. i don't know why but it seems like big girls are always known for giving head to half the school. some pretty girls act like a guy should feel honored to get head from them. wtf? any woman who says she doesn't do that in 2008 is either a fucking liar or plans on being lonely her WHOLE life. trust me women (and men)...you wanna keep your mate happy...give some head. no one has ever been upset while getting head unless it was horrible.

that's just a few things i could think of. but...in looking at that list...i still don't think the swole honeys are for me...but i can see why some men might prefer them i guess. to each his own. whatever floats your boat right? or whatever almost sinks it in this case.

peace.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

wal-mart greeter

An ugly woman in house shoes and clothes that look like she just got out of bed walks into wal-mart with her two kids following her. she's cursing at them and yelling the whole way into the store and they pay her no attention playing and laughing and continuing to act up.

the wal-mart greeter says "hello and welcome to wal-mart ma'am. nice kids you have there-are they twins?"

the ugly woman stops mid walk and looks the greeter up and down and says "what? twins? are you retarded? my son is 9 years old and my daughter is 5! almost half his age. you too stupid to see that? that why you workin at wal-mart?"

the wal-mart greeter says "well no ma'am. i just couldn't believe someone actually fucked you twice. have a nice day."

Monday, July 14, 2008

jesse "the hater" jackson...

you try running for president as a black man and no one buys it. then you kind of lose credibility by (among other things) being a dead beat father and a male hoe. no one really pays attention to you anymore because you react and make a big thing out of EVERYTHING and you often try to act like you're standing up for your people as a whole when you're really just trying to get some attention and stay relevant. kind of like Al Sharpton without the perm.

Jesse Jackson tries to stand up for our people but how can you stand for a group of people when you can't even be an upstanding person and a good man yourself?

so what do you do when someone of color (like say Barack Obama) actually has a chance to become the first black president? you hate on him naturally. i mean...it makes sense...no one hates on black people more than each other so why should politics be any different right? right.

for those who haven't heard: Jesse Jackson said Obama was talking down to black people for telling our black men to be fathers and raise their children and to parents in general to set an example for the younger children of today (which anyone with any fucking sense knows is the truth and something a lot of people need to hear cause a lot of kids are a hot ass mess due to being raised or abandoned by hot ass mess parents) and that he wanted to cut Obama's nuts off. hmmm...sounds like a hater...looks like a hater...ladies and gentlemen i think we have a hater in our midst.

so here's to Jesse "the Hater" Jackson. a washed up dead beat father who can't stand to see a man of color actually make a change and have a chance to do what he and people like Sharpton couldn't...get us all to pay serious attention.

here's a collection of cartoons from around the presses about Hater Jackson. enjoy. shit...if he keeps this up they should let him work with the rest of those bitter hatin ass busted bitches that work for mediatakeout.com.

all comics are from Daryl Cagle's professional cartoonist index.