two coworkers of mine were having a conversation about standards and casual sex and how women still (usually) have standards and men will fuck anything that moves. now...while this is true in many cases we get a bad wrap. many men do have standards and won't sleep with any woman that lets them. shit...in today's society if it's too easy to get the draws off tell her to put them back on cause something is wrong. (there are cases where two mature people agree to have a one night stand based on circumstances but that's usually out of town or in vegas...the busted chic you took home from the savoy after buying her two drinks doesn't count...that was different...she was a hoe).
anyway...in light of the idea of us having standards i present to you a list of 5 women who you couldn't pay me to sleep with. (unless of course we're talking $500,000 plus...then i might have to make an exception for at least one or two of them). hey...i have bills and retiring at 27 would be the shit.
1. New York (Tiffany) from I Love NY
it's not that she's SUPER ugly (she's not cute either but i'm trying to give her credit) or even the fact that she looks like one of the muppets. she actually has an ok shape since she's been on tv and made a little money. updgraded the breasts and got a little shape to her.no...the reason she makes this list is because she looks like she smells like burnt weave (what exactly is that smell and where does it come from? why would you buy a weave then burn it ladies?) cigarettes and old tuna fish.
i couldn't kiss her (or anyone that smokes)...and something tells me by the time i got close enough to hug her i'd smell all i needed to to ruin the mood. so that's why she's on the list.
sidenote: her mother is of course also on the list but i thought i'd keep this list to women under 76.
depending on how bad the smell was i might consider moving her off the list for that $500,000. but if they tried to take taxes out then the deal is off.
2. Lil Kim
little kim actually might of missed this list a few years back (like 6 years back). the fucked up surgery put her in the top 10. the bleaching her skin on top of all that puts her EASILY in the top 5.
just look at the before and the after. there's no way you could pay me enough to fuck Lil Kim at this point. not just because she looks like a cross between the Joker, Chucky and Countess Vaughn but because frankly Lil Kim scares me. i think the thought of accidentally opening my eyes or forgetting to cover up one of the mirrors in the room would result in me being traumatized during the act and frankly i'm just not willing to risk that.
3. Amy Winehouse
do i really need to explain this one?
aside from being a crack head. aside from weighing 53lbs soaking wet with rocks in her pockets and timberland boots on look at her.
look at the picture.
seriously. what am i supposed to say to make why you couldn't pay me enough money to sleep with her more obvious than the picture makes it? what could i possibly say in words that would make it more evident.
and the fucked up part is she got famous singing a song about not going to rehab cause her dad said she's fine. when now it's only become more obvious her ass should of been there a year ago.
4. Wendy Williams
Wendy Williams is a man. period.
ignore the big ass fake breasts and pay attention to the jaw bone...that adam's apple and the voice. the facts speak for themselves. no one other than the doctor that delivered her and the gigantic amazon woman that birthed her could tell me different. Tyler Perry looks more feminine as Madea then she does at all (granted...Tyler Perry looks more feminine as Tyler Perry but that's another subject).
look at Russell Simmons in the picture. he's scared as shit! that's fear in his eyes. he was married to Kimora Lee Simmons. she's over 6 feet tall! so he's used to standing next to and even wrestling with big ass women. but he's scared out his mind and probably pissed in his phat farms standing next to Wendall Williams.
no way. not enough money on earth. for me to fuck Wendy Williams i'd have to be blindfolded...high out of my mind...all lights would need to be off...the moon couldn't even be out. fuck that. i don't even want to be able to make out a silhouette. even then i'd need some coaching and at least a bottle of patron room temperature. all that and i would CONSIDER it. we still might have to work out a few details. i think i just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
5. Floetry
usually most men would be all about a threesome but i think i'll pass this time.
now before any of the ladies hit me with how beautiful these women are on the inside and how their voices are so lovely...1. we're not talking about their album and 2. who cares how pretty the inside is if the outside scares you off from 10 feet away?
i like Floetry. and "say yes" is one of the sexiest songs of all time but that doesn't change the fact that the girl on the left looks like Michael Strahan...a defensive lineman from the New York Giants...and the one on the right looks like Buttaman from "Hood Fab" in drag (as if he didn't look weird enough already).
those uncanny family (i hope they're related because if not then they just look like ugly men for no apparent reason) resemblances are the main reason they make this list. i don't think they could sing or rap their way out the bucket of ugly they're in so we'll round off the list with these two.
peace.
little kim actually might of missed this list a few years back (like 6 years back). the fucked up surgery put her in the top 10. the bleaching her skin on top of all that puts her EASILY in the top 5.just look at the before and the after. there's no way you could pay me enough to fuck Lil Kim at this point. not just because she looks like a cross between the Joker, Chucky and Countess Vaughn but because frankly Lil Kim scares me. i think the thought of accidentally opening my eyes or forgetting to cover up one of the mirrors in the room would result in me being traumatized during the act and frankly i'm just not willing to risk that.
3. Amy Winehouse
do i really need to explain this one?aside from being a crack head. aside from weighing 53lbs soaking wet with rocks in her pockets and timberland boots on look at her.
look at the picture.
seriously. what am i supposed to say to make why you couldn't pay me enough money to sleep with her more obvious than the picture makes it? what could i possibly say in words that would make it more evident.
and the fucked up part is she got famous singing a song about not going to rehab cause her dad said she's fine. when now it's only become more obvious her ass should of been there a year ago.
4. Wendy Williams
Wendy Williams is a man. period.ignore the big ass fake breasts and pay attention to the jaw bone...that adam's apple and the voice. the facts speak for themselves. no one other than the doctor that delivered her and the gigantic amazon woman that birthed her could tell me different. Tyler Perry looks more feminine as Madea then she does at all (granted...Tyler Perry looks more feminine as Tyler Perry but that's another subject).
look at Russell Simmons in the picture. he's scared as shit! that's fear in his eyes. he was married to Kimora Lee Simmons. she's over 6 feet tall! so he's used to standing next to and even wrestling with big ass women. but he's scared out his mind and probably pissed in his phat farms standing next to Wendall Williams.
no way. not enough money on earth. for me to fuck Wendy Williams i'd have to be blindfolded...high out of my mind...all lights would need to be off...the moon couldn't even be out. fuck that. i don't even want to be able to make out a silhouette. even then i'd need some coaching and at least a bottle of patron room temperature. all that and i would CONSIDER it. we still might have to work out a few details. i think i just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
5. Floetry
usually most men would be all about a threesome but i think i'll pass this time.now before any of the ladies hit me with how beautiful these women are on the inside and how their voices are so lovely...1. we're not talking about their album and 2. who cares how pretty the inside is if the outside scares you off from 10 feet away?
i like Floetry. and "say yes" is one of the sexiest songs of all time but that doesn't change the fact that the girl on the left looks like Michael Strahan...a defensive lineman from the New York Giants...and the one on the right looks like Buttaman from "Hood Fab" in drag (as if he didn't look weird enough already).
those uncanny family (i hope they're related because if not then they just look like ugly men for no apparent reason) resemblances are the main reason they make this list. i don't think they could sing or rap their way out the bucket of ugly they're in so we'll round off the list with these two.
peace.
3 comments:
your @zz is so crazy,.... but shoot if i was a dude, i wouldn't boater-boat any of them either.
LOL!!!
OMG!! This is comedy - but why'd you have to go hard on my girl Wendy? LMAO!! She has a face for radio. LOL!! Ever heard that line??
New York is the nastiest girl that I have ever seen. I don't know how her show is able to get some of those men to compete for her. Some of the men are questionable but there are some decent looking men in there as well.
Post a Comment